Vapor

My new apartment looks… bare. I keep imagining colorful furnitures occupying small spaces, and I pull back a little thinking that I don’t really need furnitures. These days I have to be ridiculously practical, and I think that saving up is more important than making this place look and feel like a real home. It’s just a place where I’m allowed to privately fall apart, I guess.

I’m not as pathetic as I sound though. I had a friend help me find an apartment by driving me around Mandaluyong City; one friend loaned me some money to pay for initial rent fees; I’ve got tons of supportive friends who magically conjured the patience to listen to me whine about the demise of my love life over overpriced starbucks and cigarettes. I’m… thankful. Grateful.

The problem with starting over is that I honestly don’t know where to begin. Now that I’ve made the big step of moving out of the semi-home, at this point I’m at a loss as to what I should be doing with my life. I want to start fresh, somewhere, maybe start a new career, but my responsibilites as an adult must take first priority. Funny how acknowledging that doesn’t give it any kind of special meaning. Right now, my plans and things to do are just as temporary as vapor.

~

Reading: Midnight For Charlie Bone / Jenny Nimmo
Music: Love Is Dead / Brett Anderson / Brett Anderson