For The Right Guy I Become A Sex Fiend

I’ve dated before, yes, but not enough to make me an expert on the subject. To date I’ve only ever gone out maybe seven times to see a movie or have dinner with someone I met off the internet. I’m not a big fan of dating. I’m not saying I don’t like it, I’m just not a big fan.

I’m the last person you should ask for dating advice because not only am I a dating novice, but for the right guy I become a sex fiend. My first boyfriend and I jumped each other’s bones on our third date (I literally did). The second boyfriend… on our first date (I took him home)… and so on and so forth. You can tell I really like a guy if I want to strip naked and 69. That’s because I don’t believe in dragging out a courtship, I think it’s wasteful.

Dating is a very tiring process for me. I also find it very stressful, especially when you have to stay and talk and ask questions so as not to seem disinterested when all you want to do is leave because you don’t like a guy enough to even wait for commonalities to come up. Equally bad if it’s the other way around, but depending on the level of your self esteem, you can whine about it endlessly or move on to the next guy. I’m more likely to do the latter.

Eh… so I can understand why some guys refuse to date because it’s all very superficial with a lot of gays, what with our tendency to set soaring standards for potential mates, you’d think we’re of royal lineage. You think you’re just having a casual conversation and getting to know a person but you’re secretly being assessed using an invisible checklist that looks at your choice of clothing, your social status, your looks, the kind of phone you’re carrying, your shoe size, the bulge in your pants, your intelligence, your spending power, your personality, your job, your hair style, whether or not you’re wearing make up, your shoes, the color of your socks, your family background, the alignment of your jaw… dating is a job application / character investigation / personality profiling / compatibility test rolled into one, basically.

Terrifying, yes. But dating isn’t totally useless, it’s a tried and established method for finding great mates. It will always be a risky and scary venture because a lot of people fear the unknown, and because it requires a considerable amount of effort, I think it makes finding that one flawed gem all the more satisfying.

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Music: Rocket / Goldfrapp / Headfirst